Transcript
From Genesis: “So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall up on the man, and he slept; then he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.” O Lord may thy word be my word, and if my word is not thy word, let thy people be cunning enough to see the same. Amen. That in this creation account woman is made out of the rib of man seems to a certain reader like a put down, one that implies Eve’s worth is derivative, that she’s inferior to Adam. You can read the text this way, we might say pugilistically, putting the gloves on, but if you do you will not be running your fingers over a surpassingly tender and beautiful thing. On that score, if Eve is inferior to Adam because she was made out of his rib, then Adam is inferior to the dirt because he was made out of the soil.
“The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called ‘wife’ for she was taken out of husband.’” The original marriage vow, when Adam says that, to whom is he speaking? Is he talking to the animals? No. To the woman? No. It’s not “you are.” It’s “this is.” He’s talking to God! It’s a solemn declaration acknowledging before God the relationship between the husband and the wife. God I invite you to consider my relationship to this woman to be of such organic unity that should I ever harm her, may it be to me as if ribs were again taken out of my body only without anesthesia the next time. We’re one flesh!
In ancient Israel, this is a stock covenant-making formula. What did Israel say at Hebron when recognizing David as king [2 Samuel 5]. “Behold, we are your bone and flesh!” This text is surpassingly beautiful and bountiful. It gives us profound insight into the nature of marriage.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they will become one flesh.” Nowhere else in any ancient literature is it said of the husband that he will leave his father and mother; everywhere else that burden falls on the wife. Only in Genesis is it said that the husband will leave father and mother, and ‘leave’ is the same word as ‘forsake’. When Israel was unfaithful to God, Isaiah says she ‘left’ him, ‘forsook’ him, the same word.
In the ancient world the highest loyalty a man had was to his parents. That loyalty is now demoted, that priority of concern demoted as your wife now becomes the supreme object of your loyalty. What does this look like in actual life? It means that if you’re a husband and your mother thinks the living room would look great painted Yosemite Gray, and your wife wants it Origami White, guess what color it’s going to be? Origami White!
You cannot be married to your career. Your work has got to be demoted. Your spouse now takes precedence. There’s no excuse to being married to your job, even if your work makes some tremendous claim on your time. In Deuteronomy [24: 5], Israel was told that for the entire first year of marriage a husband is to be free even from the military draft to put the interest of his wife first. If Iran is invading Israel and the IDF is inducting soldiers, you’re duty-bound to say, “Sorry. I can’t show up for the battle. I’ve got to stay at home and dote on my wife!” If China is invading Taiwan, same thing.
The husband is not just to leave, he’s to ‘cleave’. The Book of Job uses this same word, ‘cleave’, [dabak, 41. 23] to describe how the scales of a crocodile stick together. Want to know how fiercely attached a husband is to be attached to his wife? Go up to a live crocodile and try pulling its scales off!
“And you are to become one flesh.” Not one person; you’re different people with different tastes. For example, yesterday Amber Bowen and Jack Franicevich were married here in the historic church. Jack’s ideal date looks like an audition for a hallmark movie. Amber’s ideal date is unrushed conversation over a glass of wine. Amber says, “we should invite John and Jane over for happy hour,” and Jack responds, “Yeah!! And how about we add Samantha and Steve and Kristen and Kevin? And we make it a three-course dinner.” A husband and wife are different people. It’s like in U2’s song One; you’re one but you’re not the same. Not one person but ‘one flesh’. You’re to treat your spouse as you would your own ribs, your own body.
That is a profoundly beautiful insight. My arm never resents lifting a fork to my mouth. It did so last night. It never said, “Wait a minute! I did this forty times yesterday!” Your body doesn’t keep score. Your arm delights in caring for the other parts of your body. The Apostle Paul says, “In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body but he feeds and cares for it.” [Eph. 5. 28]
Likewise my mouth doesn’t laugh with schadenfreude when my shin gets smashed against a table. It doesn’t laugh saying, “You should have watched where you were going!” No. When your shin is smashed your mouth cries. The compassion is automatic. The Apostle Paul says, “when one part of the body suffers, every part suffers with it.” [1 Cor. 12]. What difference might this make in the way we behave? Well, if you’re putting together a Good Samaritan magazine, you can honor one dancer, or if you’re choosing a parishioner of the year, you can honor one person, why? “When one member of the body is honored, the whole body rejoices with it.” We don’t take our cues for how to relate to each other from a dog eat dog world, we take them from the Bible.
Victoria and I had dinner recently with some friends. As we were getting ready to go to that dinner, I watched my wife arranging her visage in front of the mirror in the Rectory’s master bathroom. Not once did her hand do sign language and say to her face, “Why should you always get so much attention!” Her knees didn’t put her knickers in a knot because they were getting no attention at all. Why? They’re not in competition. If you’re one flesh, your hands and your knees delight in your face looking beautiful! As 1 Corinthians 12 says, “When one part is honored, every part of the body rejoices with it.”
And finally, forgiveness. This is the most puzzling thing of all. Forgiveness. We kid ourselves to think forgiveness happens rarely. The truth is we experience forgiveness all the time as it flows constant in our own body. Occasionally I bite my tongue, which kills. I don’t know why I do it. It just happens. I can’t explain it. At the end, after my tongue, swollen, throbbing, realizes what happened, it never commands my hand to make a fist and bash my teeth in! The idea of getting even with other parts of your body is incomprehensible! Forgiveness is automatic. Holy Scripture tells us about that forgiveness. “Love keeps no record of wrongs.” [1 Cor. 13: 5] You’re one body, one flesh. “He who loves his wife loves himself.”
In the name of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
